Free guides · Ages 3 to 9

Free Parenting Guides for Ages 3 to 9

Each guide takes one hard moment at home and walks through what is going on for your child. Then what to say, and what to stop doing. Every one comes with a free printable PDF. Written by Katy Goodwin, MA, Child Development.

• Tantrums5 Year Old Tantrums: What's Normal and What to Say, Ages 4 to 75 year old tantrums are common, and plenty of 6 and 7 year olds still have them. A tantrum is a flooded child trying to solve a problem, and each of the four types needs a different response. Use fewer words and keep the limit. Stay close until it passes.
• Fear of traumaAm I Traumatizing My Child? How to Tell a Hard Moment From HarmAm I traumatizing my child? If your child cried or got angry because you held a limit, that is a hard moment. Kids recover from hard moments with a steady adult nearby. Trauma is overwhelming fear or harm with no safe adult to recover with. Say the limit once in a warm voice, then stay close and quiet.
• Attention seekingAttention Seeking Behavior in Children: Get Out of the Reaction TrapAttention seeking behavior in children usually grows when it earns a big reaction, even an angry one. Give your child attention before he goes looking for it. Meet the show with a flat, boring limit. Never ignore anything unsafe, and never ignore the child himself.
• HittingChild Hitting Parents: What to Do When Your Child Hits You, by AgeChild hitting parents usually happens when a child's body is flooded and his words can't keep up. Stop the hit calmly with your body and protect any siblings first. Keep words to a minimum. Talk it through later, once everyone is calm, and keep the limit that started it.
• Boundary testingChild Pushing Boundaries? What It Means and How to Hold the LineA child pushing boundaries is usually checking whether the limit is real. When a no moves under pressure, he learns to push harder. When it holds, the pushing gets shorter. Say the limit once in a warm voice, and keep it the same on tired days and good ones.
• When you say noChild Won't Take No for an Answer? How to Keep a No ClosedWhen a child won't take no for an answer, the no usually feels open to him. Each extra reason or softer offer tells him the door is still ajar. Say no once with one reason and name his feeling in a few words. Then stop adding words and stay close.
• Gentle parentingGentle Parenting Not Working? The Missing Piece Is StructureGentle parenting not working usually means the warmth is there and the structure is missing. When a limit moves under pressure, your child keeps pushing to find out what holds. Keep the kindness, decide the limit before the hard moment, say it once, and keep it the same on tired days.
• Morning routinesHow to Get Kids Out the Door in the Morning Without YellingHere is how to get kids out the door in the morning. A school morning is a chain of small handoffs, and children dig in when they can't predict what comes next. Give each handoff the same short line, like "First shoes, then we go," and use those exact words every morning.
• TransitionsHow to Help a Child With Transitions, From the Park to BedtimeWondering how to help a child with transitions? Switching gears costs a young child more than adults expect, and extra words add pressure. Give one short warning, then walk him through the same few steps the same way every time. Follow through calmly when he protests, so there is nothing new to fight about.
• Pulling awayHow to Reconnect With Your Child Without Forcing a TalkWant to know how to reconnect with your child when he has gone quiet or distant? Kids pull away when closeness starts to feel like correction, questioning, pressure or being managed. Choose one small moment a day where you stop managing and start noticing, and keep your limits where they are.
• After you yellHow to Repair After Yelling at Your Child: What to Say, by AgeHere is how to repair after yelling at your child. Come back once you are calm, own what you did in one sentence, keep the limit that started it, and reconnect with something small. A short repair, done the same way every time, teaches your child that relationships recover.
• Screen timeScreen Time Tantrums: How to Turn the Screen Off Without a FightScreen time tantrums happen because the screen has become your child's quickest way to settle, so switching it off feels like losing something. Decide the end before the screen goes on, and say it once. Let him press off himself. Then have a landing activity ready and hold the limit without adding minutes.
• After schoolWhy Does My Child Have a Meltdown After School? A Plan Until BedtimeWhy does my child have a meltdown after school? Holding it together all day at school uses up your child's ability to stop and wait, and it runs out at home, with you. Plan the first hour around food and quiet. When the meltdown comes, say the limit once, then stay close and quiet.
• Acting outWhy Is My Child Acting Out All of a Sudden? How to Read the BehaviorWhy is my child acting out all of a sudden? Usually something in his world got harder, and the behavior is how he tells you. Pause, ask what it is saying, answer that need, and keep your limits where they were. If the change lasts for weeks, or he loses skills he had, call your pediatrician.